copa mundiale ir walkeris

kadangi visa diena vyksta copa mundiale, tai naturalu, kad kencia mokslai ir auga pilvas nuo suvartoto carlsbergo, nu bet ka padarysi juk tik vienakart i keturis metus, beje per pertrauka buvo labai idomus anglu komiko pasisakymas vadinos "art of football", mazdaug pazodziuj:

futbole reikia mastyti, improvizuoti turbut todel jis toks nepopuliarus amerikoje, siaip jis vadinamas football, nes zaidziamas su kojomis ir kamuoliu, o amerikieciai vadina ji soccer nezinau kodel, ju futbolas zaidziamas su kazkuo nelabai panasiu i kamuoli ir su rankomis, tik kartais specialus zaidejas ieina ir spiria koja, siaip amerikieciu futbolas yra keturios sekundes veiksmo per kuri niekas nemasto ir visus nurodymus gauna is kapitono ir poto daug daug reklamos, taigi jeigu europietiska futbola galima butu prilyginti jazzui, tai amerikeitiskas butu techno!!!

Nu ten jis daug juokingiau ir ilgiau pasakojo, cia as savais zodziais kiek prisiminiau, jei pavyks atsisiust paplatinsiu....

o kas dle valkerio, tai vakar pries rungtynes ltv rode branguji texaso reindzeri, tiek nesijuokiau jau labai senai, visu pirma ziurejom be garso, nes buvom kukubare, bet anyway, taigi istorija:

valkeris su savo mergaite, neto atostogauja teksaso kalnuose ir leidziasi nuo kazkokiu uolu su virvevimis, virsuje palikes savo draugus kaubojus ir arklius, tada juos uzpuola blogieji kaubojai, nukala valkerio draugus, isbaido arklius, bei gasdina apacioje likusi volkeri su pana. gasdinimas vyksta kokias penkias minutes, tuo tarpu volkeris atidaves ginkla panai, greit uzsuoliuoja i kalna ir ispardo blogiecius kaubojus, keliems is kuriu vis delto pavyksta pabegti, tada kazkodel virve uztraukia pana i virsu, nors pats sekmingai uzlipo aplinkui, be jokiu virviu ir zymiai lengviau (zinoma blogieji kaubojai yra mandagus ir tuo metu pazeidziamo volkerio neliecia), tada isivyrauja idile is nezinia is kur istraukto puodo volkeris ir pana verda sriuba su vermiseliais (is maiseliu po 60 centu), kai staiga....juos uzpuola meska, ir musasi su volkeriu, aisku ispradziu rangeriui nesiseka, bet meska nugriovusi ji tik riaumoja bet nekanda matyt neskanus, galiausiai poto savo giliu, dramatisku zvilgsniu jis itikina meska trauktis, bet deja buna biski suzeistas ir apsipila ketchiupais ( del valkerio x-man savybiu žaizda sekmingai atgeneruoja ir jam veliau visiskai nemaiso), tada kazkodel priimamas sprendimas keliaut atgal i kalnus (trumpai parodomi blogieji kaubojai pikdziugiskai kazka aptarinejantys) . eina eina volkeris ir pamato ola, kogi mums ten neilindus nusprendiz valkeris ir pana, o gi viduje kaukoles ivairios sviezi ir nesviezi lavonai vienzo wrong turn, priimamas pakankamai logiskas sprendimas is ten nezdintis deja lauke jau tyko zmogedra, su puse gelezinio veido apvynioto skarmalais, dvigubai didesnis uz valkeri, bei uzpuola musu herojus, ko pasekoja valkeris nukrenta nuo triju metru uolos, o mergina po trumpo bandymo pabegti atsiduria zmogedros letenose, bei neaiskiais ketinimais neva suvalgyti, neva kasnors pikantiskaiu gabenama i ola...aisku zmogedra biski sudelsia, mat rekia musu herojams suteikti antra sansa ir atsigaves valkeris vel ji uzpuola, bet deja ir vel buna sumusamas ir kai atrodo, kad vsio volkerio 11 sezono nebebus, zmogedra uzpuola....Kas? o gi musu sanai pamirsta meska, bei sudraskiusi priesa, velgi buna isgasdinama rustaus volkerio zvilgsnio ir pabega...

happy end

isvados:

1)teksaso kalnai baisi vieta su zmogedromis ir meskomis, bei blogaisias kaubojais, taigi geriau varom i palanga pas bloguosius kaimiecius ir voveres...

2)volkeris yra kazkas tarpinio tarp x-mano ir karatisto kaubojaus, bei pasizymi siomis savybemis a) greit regeneruoja nuo visokiu zaizdu b)daugiau maziau sekmingai valdo gyvunus, ypac meskas, ko pasekoja sugeba nugaleti galingesnius priesus c) moka uzkelti savo pana virve i kalna, kai galima apeit piskom, taigi biski narcizas d) turi magisku savybiu, kurios pasireiskia ivairiu daiktu sukurimu (pvz puodu ir vermiseliu) , deja si savybe yra robota, todel mobilaus susikurt nesugeba, o ir siaip yra pries technologijas.. Taigi jeigu pas jumi uzsiveise zmogedru ar dar kokio brudo, kvieskite valkeri atostogaut pas savi, atjos arkliais, patogumu jokiu nereikia, taciau neikite kartu su juo, nebent butumete jo pana arba vaikas, nes antraeiliai veikejai paprastai zusta, kad suteiktu valkeriui sansa uz juos atkersyt, tai tiek....

p.s. isjukit sildyma, kas nors, nes fcuk off

vipel s utra den svaboden

vel mokslai nuejo ten , kur jiems ir vieta, bo darbovieteje gimtadienis ir pripliumpem brendzio ir dabar sedim nesveikam karstyje ir vegetuojam, negaliu prakaitas upeliais varo, minciu nulis!!! per radiju groja laurel aitken su vokaline instrumentine kompozicija "skinhead", tai tusuojuos!!!
beje labai idomus saitas apie skinus http://www.skinheadnation.co.uk/ !!!
p.s. virsuj esantys zodziai jei kas nesupranta reiskia - is ryto isgerei ir diena laisva

p.s.s. mielas cia toks veikejas galvoju ir as kazka issitatuiruot, i'm made of beer!!!

interviu oi polloi!

Radau labai linksma interviu su oi polloi cia istrauka -

What is the funniest thing that has happened to you whilst touring?
I think a lot of the funniest stuff that has happened to us wasn't actually funny at all at the time butlooking back on it you had to laugh. Like one time we ended up playing as the "guest live band" at this under 18s fashion show in some disco and to try to get one of our mates in free we had told the organisers he was a backing vocalist. We thought they would just forget about him but they thrust him onto the stage with a mic just as we went on and as he didn't know any of the words he just staggered around the stage shouting out "Oi Oi!", the sound was fuckin appalling too and the bouncers didn't let any of our mates in so we ended up getting chased off the stage by trendiespelting us with soft drinks cans and had to escape out the back door. Another time in Estonia we ended up getting attacked by most of the audience and had tofight our way out of the venue - the only folk who helped were the two Russian bar owners who were these guys who looked like Josef Stalin and just picked up these big lumps of wood to lay into folk. As we were driving away in our bus most of the audience seemed to be surrounding it trying to kick fuck out of it - fuckin horrendous. Then there are a few kinda funny things that happened due to our involvement in the "crusty" side of things where you get some of these folk who really seem to think that it is cool or punkto be as filthy as possible - some of the stuff that goes on with these folk is unbelieveable. One time in London we were playing in this squatted dole office and were going to stay in another squat nearby after the gig but when we went there before we found out that the folk that stayed there were real crusty types who had some dog they never looked after and the stench of shit was everywhere. There was dogshit all over the house - it was fuckin horrible - even when wewere looking through the guy's LPs there was dogshit on some of the record sleeves! After the gig we decided to stay in the gig place but then so did half the audience and then they started playing this really clever game of throwing darts in people's heads so after seeing a couple of folk staggering around with darts imbedded in their skulls we thought it might be better to go back to the house. We knew there had been one bedroom with a mattress and no shit so we thoughtwe would kip there but by the time we got back there was a huge piece of shit right in the middle of the mattress! Eventually we found another room and although the stink of shit in there was really strong we couldn't find it anywhere so we had to just crash out in the end. Next morning when we got up to go though our guitarist picked up his guitar case to find he had put it down on top of this huge pile of dogshit so it was all over it! Oh dear oh dear, I honestly don't know how folk can live like that. It is sometimes even worse in Europe - we played in this Polish squat last year and when Cam asked this guy there where the toilet was the guy just looked at him like he was really stupid and said "Toilet is everywhere" - ah, right, very hygenic. The worst had to be in Cologne in Germany though. When we arrived to play in this squat there afew years ago this guy offered to give us a guided tour and started by saying "There are three kinds of people who stay here - thereare the political people and they are ok, there are the punks and they are ok - and then there are - the people with body lice" and we were like "WHAT THE FUCK?!!" and then he took us into this big hall just full of piles of rotting clothes and blankets interspersed with buckets of something black. "Don't go too close - this is where the people with body lice sleep" he said. Turned out the piles of stuff were like their nests and the buckets were full of shit and piss and they were black cos the tops were covered with a layer of floating dead flies - you had to see it to believe it. What is it with some people? Another time some squat gig we were doing in Luxembourg got stopped after only three songs cos the neighbours got really fucked off after some of the punks started shitting on their lawns. We have a lot more stories about shit but I suspect you have had enough. We have some funny piss ones though - last summer in Finland we were playing in this place with a couple of really annoying folk in the crowd so we had mixed up these bottles of brutal Finnish homebrew mixed up with our piss and just gave this to them to drink. Then at the end of the gig I had a bottle in my hand that I had pissed into cos there was no toilet there and one of these idiots came up to me and said "give me your cider" - I was trying to explain that it wasn't really for drinking but he just took it out of my hand and downed it in one - classic. Actually another time in Finland our old bassist was really drunk and pissed all over this guy who was passed out on the front of the stage. When he woke up he thought it was really cool and when we got home we got a letter from some woman who had been at the gig who said she was a piss fetishist and that it was one of the best things she had ever seen on stage! Shit, piss - ah yes, vomit next! One time we played in Wales at this gig put on by a couple whose relationship was on the rocks and the guy was really depressed and got really really drunk all night. The next morning when we had to go he demanded that we go to the pub with him so he could buy us a drink before we left. We were all a bit uncomfortable with it as it was really a very sad situation and there wasn't really anything we could do to sort it out but he was so insistent that we went along with him and his six month old baby he was looking after. Well, he had had a two litre bottle of white cider for his breakfast so he was really out of it already and after a couple more pints he was swaying on his chair and burping and we were a bit worried about his ability to look after the baby in his arms when suddenly he just went "Fuck - BLEEUUURGHH" and puked up all over the poor baby - itwas covered in vomit - oh man, one of the worst things I have ever seen. I don't think this exactly comes under "funny" as in amusing though unless it is a case of you have to laugh or else you'd cry. I dunno, I could go on for ages - like when we arrived too late for one gig in Poland and these kids at the gig said "don't worry, you can play in my girlfriend's house" and asked us to follow them in our van to this house. When we got there they said they didn't have the key but that she wouldn't mind them going in through the window so they went in and opened the door and we were taking the stuff in and then started to notice that the house looked pretty normal with pictures of Jesusand Mary and so on and when we asked where his girlfriend's records and posters etc were the guy got really evasive and we realised they had just broken into any old house to do a gig in the living room - fuckin insane. Another time in Poland we had to stay in this cheap hotel after the gig and a load of the organisers were there as well and they started making these home made molotovs and testing them in the rooms. The next morning half the stuff was burnt to fuck and THEN they tell us that the hotel is run by the Polish Mafia and that we have to jump out of the windows to run away - fucking nutters. Yeah, sometimes you have some close shaves but I honestly can't recommend touring enough - you are always guaranteed some craziness or other - it's fucking great - even if it might not always be quite so amusing at the time!

visa, plius daug kitu intervu su oi punk scena, galima rasti http://www.punkoiuk.co.uk/interviews/oipolloi.htm

culture vulture

stai kokie stebuklai dedasi ant marijos zemes, robbie robbie, kazkoks kulturinis sokas nekitaip, bus dabar labai labai labai proud, o man sita daina visvien nepatinka, nu bet anyway yra kaip yra, gal kada ir placebo perdainuos koki mamontovo slageriuka liudnesni...

no title

Oficialiai startuoja kairo jachtu klubas, bo guerilla since 83 be gyvybes ziniu dingo informacineje bedugneje, kol kas nieko cia gero nesugalvojau, bet visokiu idomiu dalyku bus i promise, just start wearing purple, wearing purple...

p.s. vakar buvo gedulo ir vilties diena, ironiska ....

p.s.s. nekenciu vasaros!!!